Review: Match.com/Online Dating
Last week I managed to check into my flight, re-schedule the delivery of a FedEx package, order a refill for a prescription, order some groceries, buy a birthday gift and figure out where my next travel destination would be – how? Online.Apparently you can do everything online, and by online I mean with noooooo human interaction. NO call to a call center in India, NO calls to an store, NO being put on hold for a damn thing, or NO trying on shoes and walking around in front of a mirror – none of that. The internet has made things soooo damn easy that you can do anything and everything (minus pooping…sorry) online.
Match.com started in 1995 and they have over 20 million singles...that's a lot...They have a cool system where, similar to Facebook.com's poking, you can wink someone to get yourself on their radar. They have a guarantee that states if you don't find love within 6 months - you get 6 months free. Kind of intriguing right, but man, 6 months of dating sounds tiring! Either way, I signed up for the site to add myself to one of my many users in the US - I forgot to add they're in over 37 countries...
So – I created a profile, Super_Chi, for obvious reasons and I answered everything honestly. It was kind of fun and less tedious than eHarmony.com (which I hear asks you every possible question under the sun, including what you ate 3 years, 4 months and 2 days ago). You get to pick the ideal physical appearance, religious beliefs, lifestyle, and a bunch of other qualities that you hope your future-something has. It felt like going into Baskin Robbins, or a Cold Stone (much better experience) and going down the row of condiments and flavors and someone asking you – so, what do you want on your ice cream? As I told them everything I loved – like the semi bland ice cream flavor (usually vanilla or cakebatter) + some fresh strawberries, some oreo cookiers – someone came out of left field asking me what kind of weather would I like, I mean ideally, in what weather conditions would I most enjoy my ice cream (education level) – so I answered honestly…at least a BA, etc…
As more and more questions popped up – because they really do ask you 101 things, I realized WAIT, I wish the shoe buying experience were more like this. Besides ShoeDazzle.com – which does give you comparable styles and fashions to figure out your unique style, Match.com sort of lets you figure it out on your own.
When it asked me about children I thought okay, this is like Aldo asking me if I want to feel like I need surgery after a couple of wears, so no, I’d opt for having my potential partner have no children. Oh wait, will the shoe give me blisters? AKA, was this person married before, and potentially have a crazy ex-wife…oh wait, then I had a déjà vu and chose to opt out of that one too – thanks!
As I went through the process, like a survey, I got to the ‘end’ where I had to write about myself and though – what the f-ing f. What do I say here?? How do I toot my own horn, while not tooting my own horn, while not appearing insecure, and not overly assertive and aggressive…then I remembered…field research Chi…its not that serious...I gave it a shot and added some pics – because you know I really wouldn’t get the full she-bang experience without any pics.
Their phone application (think of Facebook) made this whole experience so easy. I was a click away from sending the hottie who is also a middle child, self-employed and loves reading a wink. I was also able to receive emails – on my phone, in a flash, respond to them, and potentially set up a date with Prince Charming. Yes, yes, yes…like all good things, too much of it can be detrimental – take this from a shopaholic who went click-crazy one-too many times.
Having this phone application became annoying – very quickly. First of all because I felt like I went to a buffet right after having dinner – like I really wasn’t interested in meeting anyone, I just wanted to check the site out and the responses and emails and winks were just overwhelming. So overwhelming I stopped using the app within days…
The interesting part were the emails – although you state what you want – AKA, I want a pair of brand new shoes (age range = my age+10 years), I had men responding who were clearly capable of being my daddy or grand daddy. I don’t have daddy issues everyone, and while maturity is greatly appreciated, so are my wishes being respected…
Which is a wonderful way to segway into my next sort of topic of discussion…how awesome is your shopping experience, regardless if it’s for fruits or your life partner – when you get exactly what you want? I think it’s awesome, even better if it’s on sale. How much does it suck when you meet someone that says – YUCKY, those shoes look terrible on you. Or wow, you must have missed the mirror on your way out this morning - didn't 'cha?
That doesn’t feel too good either. This is why we must learn to respect the opinion of others. If I say I don’t want to date a grand daddy with 4 grown children, then um, can I live? Can you just respect that? If I state that I would like to date someone that is in a similar salary range than me, can you just honor that? Can you trust that my judgment isn’t being made according to the latest rap videos on BET, that I am not after someone’s gold and riches? But that I DO in fact want a future mate that can compliment the future I’ve envisioned for myself – even if it means being a trophy stay at home wife? Thank you.
While some can, other can not – and here is a prime example/#1 no-no on the rule of dating:
(disclaimer-this message wasn’t sent to me. I was amicable to most people that contacted me, sent my thanks, started conversations, etc…typical – ‘you’re hot’, ‘you can’t handle me’, and messages of that nature got ignored for obvious reasons but this is a message worth sharing. Remember a couple of things with females like me, I don’t think I have a type, but if I did fall under one box to be categorized it would be the one that would require you DON’t put me down, then cover yourself up, then put me down again, all because you think I have wrongly chosen my criteria for a date – if you think you don’t make the cut, you’re probably right. Now – let me emphasize once again, while this was not written to me, I had to share because not all of us will have the opportunity to go on this excursion called online-dating.)
he said 9 hours ago ; ) Back at ya :) I'm keeping this brief as I'm at the office, but I just wanted to reach out and respond to your friendly gesture.. I am an individual who places as much value on ones character as their physical appearance, so I DID read your profile the first time I encountered it, and I DID READ the line about the "over 30"...That being said: I NEVER "press" anyone, I don't coax, beg, or plead anything out of anyone; if something is not the legitimate intention of the person, than I don't want it... (just a little insight on me ;) ... So I never reached out to you... had that line not been in there I may have, as I was impressed by the fact that your writings/career/opinions/statements etc did not match your look.. (as I would have pre-judged)... In other words I expected far less substance..(um, my foot may be in my mouth right now, but I mean no offense w/ that..only giving you my honest 1st presumptions - and as we all know: looks can be deceiving)...
Your occupation sounds fantastic, I love to play********** nah, I do enjoy having an awareness of peoples underlying motivations behind our actions... thought processes, etc... it all interests me very much.... You too?
my thoughts--Oh thank you – thank you for telling me that my criteria for choosing a potential ideal mate are completely off and that you judged me, A LOT, while trying to convince me that you weren’t. Oh and thank you providing that life lesson on money being no replacement for love. And no Mr. ‘he said’ I am obviously not feeling you. But thank you for reaching out to me, to explain why you didn’t reach out to me in the first place. I really enjoyed feeling like a Customer Service Representative at a T-Mobile Call Center in the middle of nowhere. Do you have any more complaints?
While that would’ve resembled my response, here is the real one:
you said 36 minutes ago RE: Re: PS: Ok.. Here I go...
Interesting email you sent there. I don't know if I should be offended or entertained...
I guess that after not only assuming, but also judging quite wrong about me, you where surprised to realize some things about me after ACTUALLY reading my profile, and realizing that there are some smart, responsible, ambitious, educated and professional attractive people out there. Although I was a bit put off by it, I acknowledge the honesty and realization that you put your foot in your mouth... Good save
Addressing the 2nd email, I guess that’s why this is a dating site and I can specify certain guidelines to what I am looking for. Whether you believe that my list is "rigid and superficial," it is what I looking for. Why? Because love doesn’t pay the bills, love doesn’t raise or support a child, and frankly in this shtty( please excuse my French) economy, sht is hard...Shallow or not, I am a realist, and I am not looking for no one to support me, because that’s why I got an education and I work, but I am looking for someone who I can create something together with....
Now I will not judge you for your email, or comments, because I give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong... If you are not interested after this response, then good luck in your search and take care....If you are willing to actually try to get to know who I am instead of what I wrote or what you believe I perceive to be on this site, then Hi there, My name is *******, nice to meet you. What is yours?
So there you have it my friends. Honesty is not always the best policy, especially when you’re trying to make a good impression. Having a filter is sometimes better than saying way too much.
Online dating was often the topic of conversation amongst my friends – first of all, I’m 25 and everyone is getting married, second because one of my friends had 2 of her friends recently get married to people they met on online dating sites. When you start hearing about things like that, you begin to wonder.
While I clearly didn’t join to meet the man of my dreams – who knows if I did? I met some really cool folks, that were cool w/ my ‘not trying to land a husband’ scheme. I explained to some my main reason for being on the site and just like a flash of lightning my profile was gone…gone with the wind.
Although it makes no sense, I would almost join Match.com to meet other singles in my city. Who likes being the third wheel anywhere? Not I Captain Crunch – not I ;) I think having single friends, also on the hunt, as if it’s the first day in duck season is kind of cool because you can do things together, and hang out, and spend time, without having all that pressure of “Oh man, what are they thinking?”, “What should I wear?”, etc. that some people go through when they’re strictly on the I-want-to-meet-someone-right-now mode, instead of just going with the flow and meeting people that could potentially become life-long friends.
Match.com is a pretty cool site, and if you’re ready to meet someone, who has all the criteria you think you want, then definitely check it out. From the looks of it, there are a lot of wonderful people that just don’t have the time or energy to spend on meeting random people in the streets, in hopes of finding their lifelong teammate. I definitely can not judge anyone on that – I, too, am a busy professional with little time for myself, so I know how it is. What I don’t understand is why someone would ask me ‘Hey, what are you doing here? I don’t usually see tech chicks like you. I’m almost worried”…what the crap is that supposed to mean. I mean, I’m on the SAME site you’re on – what does that say about you? What’s your problem dude…haha…the joys of online etiquette…or lack of…jk…
Good luck to all the daters – if I ever wake up one day thinking: The hell with this so-called "waiting" for Mr. Right OR If I give up my lifelong (well, not my whole life, but maybe since high school) dream to marry my so-called future OR If I get fed up about my job continuing to fling me across the US like a ping-pong ball OR If I find myself more single than ever – surrounded in a world of married/non-single people… ...then I would definitely consider joining the site in my own personal pursuit of happiness. The app allows you to be a click away from it all – dating can not get any easier than that…unless there’s a restaurant somewhere that serves single, educated, kid-less men on platters…ha!